I am running on empty I think. I suppose  a lot of people are these days though so I shouldn’t complain. As of today I have 11 straight days off since our offices are closed for ten days during the holidays and I opted to take an additional vacation day before that.  I have so many things to do, but I hate when my journal doesn’t get updated so I’m taking a few minutes to remedy that.

So here’s an overview of what’s going on. Today is my cleaning day. That means going upstairs and organizing and wrapping the gifts that are stashed in one corner of my room. I need to bring down the laundry to be washed, and put way the clean laundry that Ira so generously folded and set aside for me. He doesn’t do that often, but he was in hot water one day and tried to make up for it. I need to vacuum our bedroom, change sheets and put away all my jewelry that’s laying atop various dressers in my room. Then I need to go downstairs and vacuum, wash the afghans laying across the couch and chairs, put more things away and clean in the kitchen so I can bake the peanut butter cookies I planned for the holiday.

Tomorrow is my shopping day – the last moment I’ll have to buy those impossible gifts that have alluded me thus far. Maybe that will be a relaxing day because as we all know,  I love to shop. I also have to finish getting the groceries for the dinner I’ll be making and I’m happy about that because I have planned a menu that is mouth-watering and traditional!

One nagging thought that just won’t go away is that I’m having a hard time accepting that on this holiday I am without some of the people I have loved dearly over the years. I can only say that life is impossibly hard sometimes and I haven’t figured out how to box things away and let them go, or in some cases be forgotten.  I wish trying to find answers wasn’t so important to me, because really, having answers wouldn’t change anything, would it? You would think as you get older and have more answers to questions that things would be easier to understand, but the truth is, getting older means getting more questions and answers that are way harder to find than earlier ones were.

But on the other hand, I am looking forward to having a full house of people – and to be honest – that’s a lot to be grateful for. I can’t help but smile just thinking about it. THAT’S what I need to keep telling myself. I really do have so much – including people who look past my quirks and well-meant intentions and love me despite all of them.