New year, new beginnings

Lots of things going on and little time to tell them. My first grandson – Brandon Roger was born Sept. 13 at precisely 8:15 a.m. He’s adorable and if he’s anything like his big sister Brooklynn, Jeren and Lauren will have their hands full – in a good way of course. While Lauren was in the hospital, I kept Brooklynn at home with me. It was so wonderful and I truly was in my element! But Brooklynn is a handful and I was reminded of all the busyness her daddy afforded me all those years ago.

betty1aSofi is gone and I’m now driving around in a red Volkswagen beetle named Betty. Betty’s interior is all shiny red with chrome detailing – she looks like a car right out of the 60’s – and how cool is that! I don’t know if I’ll feel the same attachment as I experienced with Sofi – I mean – I learned to drive a stick shift with Sofi and I felt like she was real – as real as me – and is that even possible to replicate? But I’ll give it my best with Betty – I wanted her the moment I test drove her – which also by the way, was all I intended to do. But I couldn’t leave her there once I had set my eyes on her beautiful interior and the feel of her – like a piece of time taken out of a classic rock song, sung by artists long past their prime. I don’t think it’s a long stretch to believe we will bond, but maybe this time in an entirely different way.

My position classification at work is still undecided. I can’t believe the amount of red tape and politics that are involved in making such a decision – and then again how little of it seems to have been involved in the decisions regarding others. To say nerve-wracking and the questioning of self-value doesn’t even cover how I feel – the same feelings I have felt most of my life. And while a part of me wants to give up and not produce the same quality of work that I currently do, I can’t do that to the people I work with and the important cause that we all are trying to promote. Another thread in  the story of my life – putting my needs aside for the good of something far bigger.

And even as I write this, I know I need to realize my own sense of value before I can sell that to anyone else – which is part of why I feel such frustration. If I can see it – why can’t they?

amelia-deliaAmelia is in her first year of high school and I can see the young woman she is about to become. I can’t imagine a more beautiful person and how lucky I am to have her in my life! She’s taking three honors classes this semester and even though it’s been tough going, she’s determined to excel in them – and she probably will, as is evidenced by the amount of studying she does.

I worry about her though – if her studying doesn’t pay off, I’m not sure how she’ll take having to replace one or more of those classes with more standard ones. She’s so determined to excel and in her words, “not doing so isn’t an option.” So I quietly watch, constantly gauging how things are going, and if I need to talk to Ira about intervening, I will – while at the same time, making sure I’m not discouraging her from reaching for the stars.

Yesterday was Rosh Hashanah and our family marked the occasion at Ira’s cousin Michelle’s house. I didn’t attend because she lives about 45 minutes away and I don’t do well driving in the dark. If Ira had been home things would be different, but he’s not, so sadly I knew I would need to decline.

Jewish belief says Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the new year, marked centuries ago by the creation of Adam and Eve. It is also the time the one’s fate is decided for the upcoming year and Jews hope that their names will be inscribed in the book of life, meaning they will live on for another year. All other people have the next 10 days to do whatever they can to ensure their names do not get overlooked. It isn’t just the year that’s new for me – I’m experiencing lots of new beginnings – some more prominent than others and some more celebratory.

I love that my relationship with God is my own and I don’t need to put it in a box and call it a certain thing or explain it to anyone else. I love that I can respect that others have differing views, sometimes entirely – but that they shouldn’t judge me for mine, nor me for theirs. For me, this is an important time and I can only hope that my behaviors good or bad do not exclude me from that important book.

After almost three years of driving over the road, Ira’s long distance days could be nearly over. He may be able to be a dispatcher for the same company – which entails working from home. If everything works out, in a matter of weeks he could be here full-time and I won’t need to kiss him goodbye every Sunday. How much better news can I share than that!

ira-pink2016

And with that, I’ll sign off. What better way to end my penned thoughts than with a high note such as this. It doesn’t always happen that way.

One Response to “New year, new beginnings”

  • Sounds like a time of big changes for you. Emotional stuff. But it all will work out for the best, because you have the right attitude.

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